Artistic Spouse Gifts

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Projectile painting.'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

'In our thirty years of marriage she's squirreled away loads of money, but she can't remember where.'

A masterpiece was stolen from this space.

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

"Now we're moving into the landscape section."

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

"Mrs. Porterhouse and her pianist have agreed to disagree."

Rape of the Lock- The Barge

Roach Motel

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

Global Thermostat - Do Not Adjust.

Bikini Atoll

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"So how was the Edgar Willoughby Classic?"

'It's bad enough losing to a takeover bid, but when it's your wife who takes over....'

'It takes a certain amount of doodling to start the creative juices flowing.'

'You remember my husband, Geoff. He represented you in that messy divorce settlement of ours.'

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

'Hi, we're Tommy Canters parents. . . you might recognise us from his drawings of us??'

'Woo-hoo!This is the happiest day of my life!!'

"When you have a minute love, my 'new man' t-shirt needs ironing."

"It's my first husband. He's trying to win me back."

'I'm a cardiologist with a child in third grade art class. What can I say?'

'I forgot my claim ticket, but I had a red blouse, two skirts and a disagreeable husband.'

'I'll tell you why you never catch cold. There isn't a germ that could live with you.'