Marital Comic Enthusiast Gifts

"You're so negative, Charles."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'