Marriage Comic Appreciator Gifts

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'After 40 years of marriage, Claude, your eternal optimism is starting to wear a little thin.'

"Hold on, he hasn't signed my pre-nuptial yet."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

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'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'Could you speak up Mrs Jones, I didn't hear what the problem is...'

Google Translate for Marriagese

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"My concession speech will be brief. You win."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"