Marriage Comic Fan Gifts

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'Hi, Honey. Just calling to tell you Ted and I are going to split a beer and then I'll be right home.'

"I just called you over the intercom to tell you your wife's here. Sir?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Yes ... no!"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'The coalition of the willing.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"Can I start you all off with my cheesy alimony saga?"

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"It's his favorite time of year."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

"You mean the rumours she dated a Flamingo are true?"

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!