Marriage Comic Gifts

"You knew I was grounds for divorce when you married me."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

It's to celebrate 24 wonderful hours without an argument.

"Yes, I would love to come out for a drink with the lads, but I don't think my wife is too keen."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"Going to the dining room is included in the ban on non-essential travel."

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"Now what did I do?"

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

''Forsaking all others'? - does that mean I have to turn my webcam off?'

"This is my husband. He's a rescue."

Just Married Just foolin' around,

"Just leave the hat on and maybe my parents won't notice."

'My wife ran off with a Greek fisherman, but I got his cap!'

"Hold on, he hasn't signed my pre-nuptial yet."

'Hi, Honey. Just calling to tell you Ted and I are going to split a beer and then I'll be right home.'

"After you and Sara got married, have your text messages changed?"

'And do you, Larry, promise to love, honor and remember Helene's name?'

'After 40 years of marriage, Claude, your eternal optimism is starting to wear a little thin.'