Marriage Comic Gifts

"You knew I was grounds for divorce when you married me."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

It's to celebrate 24 wonderful hours without an argument.

"Yes, I would love to come out for a drink with the lads, but I don't think my wife is too keen."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

"Going to the dining room is included in the ban on non-essential travel."

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"I just called you over the intercom to tell you your wife's here. Sir?"

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

"Now what did I do?"

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

"This is my husband. He's a rescue."

''Forsaking all others'? - does that mean I have to turn my webcam off?'

"I know you're upset and you're giving me the silent treatment. Thank you."

'It was a little muffled, but it sounded like, ‘Back off, moron, she's taken.'

"His body washed up in the tub."

'You feel boxed in?'

Just Married Just foolin' around,

'And do you, Larry, promise to love, honor and remember Helene's name?'

'My wife ran off with a Greek fisherman, but I got his cap!'