Comic Couples Gifts

"A SECOND honeymoon - but what was wrong with the first one?"

Stand-up Romcom

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

"I want to make it with you."

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'