Marriage Comic Lover Gifts

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"I know you're upset and you're giving me the silent treatment. Thank you."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

Hammer and Anvil.

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

Google Translate for Marriagese

"Yes, I'll marry you, but you understand you'll have to clean up your den right?"

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Aren't you at least happy to see her with someone who fills all of her needs?"

"I just called you over the intercom to tell you your wife's here. Sir?"

Courtship display

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

An old couple are leaving a supermarket the man has a t-shirt saying 'I've got Viagra' the woman has one saying 'I've got a headache.

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

'Hmm, this wine is a lot like my wife; well aged but still bitter.'

"This is my husband. He's a rescue."

"Yes, I would love to come out for a drink with the lads, but I don't think my wife is too keen."

"Listen Mildred, no more Mr. Nice Guy - you've used up your quota of 'Yes dears' for the day!"