Marriage Comic Lover Pillows

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

Hammer and Anvil.

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

Google Translate for Marriagese

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"Yes, I'll marry you, but you understand you'll have to clean up your den right?"

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

Courtship display

"Aren't you at least happy to see her with someone who fills all of her needs?"

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

"This is my husband. He's a rescue."

"Yes, I would love to come out for a drink with the lads, but I don't think my wife is too keen."

"Listen Mildred, no more Mr. Nice Guy - you've used up your quota of 'Yes dears' for the day!"

'This is a great place to work...They give you a day off every time you get married!'

'I used four tubes of ultra-super-glue on the seat. Now let's see you leave it up.'

'Let me guess - your barmaid doesn't understand you either!'