Marriage Comic Fan Pillows

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'Hi, Honey. Just calling to tell you Ted and I are going to split a beer and then I'll be right home.'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Yes ... no!"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'The coalition of the willing.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"Can I start you all off with my cheesy alimony saga?"

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"You mean the rumours she dated a Flamingo are true?"

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

Married people live longer

"I picked him up cheap on eBay."

"It's his favorite time of year."

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.