Marital Comic Enthusiast Pillows

"You're so negative, Charles."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"No heroic measures."

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

Marriage Guidance