Marital Cartoon Enthusiast Pillows

"How can you feel threatened by someone young enough to be your sullen, uncommunicative daughter?"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Old West Bounty Hunter.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

African plains - not the prettiest of African animals.

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"We just don't seem to make time for one another these days."

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"I now pronounce you guilty."

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"'Till death do you part?"

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

"I'm starting to miss his begging."