Marriage Comic Appreciation Club Gifts

"Oh my God! How could you? His feet stink, his breath smells, he's got spots on his bum..."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"You two seem oddly suited."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

Married people live longer

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

"I'm sure it's a false alarm - my husband must have the leak fixed by now."

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

CCTV security on heaven's doors.

'Is this the way to the beach?'

"They're a very forward thinking couple. He gathers and she hunts."

We never go out anymore.

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"Would you please bring the endangered species here a drink?"

"I just called you over the intercom to tell you your wife's here. Sir?"

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

"Oh, it was fun for awhile, but then she started getting under MY skin."

"May I focus my customer frustration on you with the understanding you're powerless and it's nothing personal?"

"I know you're upset and you're giving me the silent treatment. Thank you."

The Cat's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Mice attached

'It got throne away.'