Marriage Comic Appreciation Club Gifts

"Oh my God! How could you? His feet stink, his breath smells, he's got spots on his bum..."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"You two seem oddly suited."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

Married people live longer

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

'Is this the way to the beach?'

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

CCTV security on heaven's doors.

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"They're a very forward thinking couple. He gathers and she hunts."

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"Would you please bring the endangered species here a drink?"

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

"May I focus my customer frustration on you with the understanding you're powerless and it's nothing personal?"

"He's fine as long as I take my medication."

'It got throne away.'

"This is my husband. He's a rescue."

The Cat's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Mice attached