Marriage Maestros Gifts

"I know I promised to be faithful but I hadn't counted on the 'El Nino' effect."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Hold on

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

Jean Philippe Rameau

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

"Cool game!"

"Our love is magical. In other words, a grand illusion."

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'Almost done.'

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"I'm leaving you. I would have told you earlier but the time just never seemed right."

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"Yep. Looks like I'm pregnant again."

"How come you only loosen up when you've got a cold?"

Romance Music

Performance Review

"Before we begin the hymn of thanksgiving, I'd like each of you mothers to take a moment to count her little blessings."

Psychology: Module 1 . . . . Attention span.

"Just because I didn't tell you to shut up doesn't mean I wasn't listening."

"Mrs. Porterhouse and her pianist have agreed to disagree."