Marriage Mechanic Gifts

"I'm leaving you. I would have told you earlier but the time just never seemed right."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Fishing 'Just what the Hell IS your problem lady??'

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I love what you've done with him."

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

'Almost done.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

"I've just finished crafting a non-violent solution to our problems."

"Let's be considerate of your wife's opinion and discuss her point that you're an idiot."

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

'Right! That's bloody it! I'm calling for the wife-whisperer.'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

'We're a team - he walks the walk, and I talk the talk!'

'Marry me, Linda. Two can live more cheaply than one.'

Who's Who in bed?

"Looks like from now on Jerry's going to be reading about Monday night football in Tuesday morning's paper.

"I know I promised to be faithful but I hadn't counted on the 'El Nino' effect."

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.