Marriage Mechanic Pillows

"I'm leaving you. I would have told you earlier but the time just never seemed right."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Fishing 'Just what the Hell IS your problem lady??'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I love what you've done with him."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Almost done.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

'Right! That's bloody it! I'm calling for the wife-whisperer.'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

"I've just finished crafting a non-violent solution to our problems."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

Who's Who in bed?

'Marry me, Linda. Two can live more cheaply than one.'

'We're a team - he walks the walk, and I talk the talk!'

"I know I promised to be faithful but I hadn't counted on the 'El Nino' effect."

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

"Brad, we've got to talk."