Marital Money Mentor Gifts

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"I'm here for the hair."

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"It's not what you think."

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"This is the new man. I want you to bring him up to speed."

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'