Midlife Mentor Gifts

"I'm here for the hair."

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"Have you considered vlogging?"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

'I just feel so used all the time.'

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

Client-centered Therapy.

"This is the new man. I want you to bring him up to speed."

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"Just because I didn't tell you to shut up doesn't mean I wasn't listening."

Addiction Research Centre.

'We still like you and all, but ever since you came out of that cocoon. . . I don't know, man. You've changed. . . You've changed.'