Midlife Mentor Gifts

"I'm here for the hair."

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'You've changed since we got married.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

'I just feel so used all the time.'

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

Client-centered Therapy.

"This is the new man. I want you to bring him up to speed."

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"Just because I didn't tell you to shut up doesn't mean I wasn't listening."

Addiction Research Centre.

Same Sexless Marriage

'We still like you and all, but ever since you came out of that cocoon. . . I don't know, man. You've changed. . . You've changed.'