Midlife Motivator Gifts

"Walter has decided to add years to his life."

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

This yoga class is making me take a fresh look at myself. And? � How are you feeling? Middle-aged.

"Your contents have shifted."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"I'm here for the hair."

Rock and Roll

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Menopause and the City

"I want you to learn from my mistakes."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

How Gary got his groove back.