Midlife Coach Gifts

'I was school champion at keepy uppy. I bet I can still keep this ball off the ground for hours.'

"Your contents have shifted."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"I'm here for the hair."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

How Gary got his groove back.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"