Midlife Crisis Club Gifts

Devil driving a convertible with many tailpipes

He kept up his guitar practise...

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Rock and Roll

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

Quick Spring Fling

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!