Midlife Coach Pillows

'I was school champion at keepy uppy. I bet I can still keep this ball off the ground for hours.'

"Your contents have shifted."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"I'm here for the hair."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Midlife: You Are Here.

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Menopause and the City

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

How Gary got his groove back.

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself