Midlife Counselor Pillows

"It happens to men your age. No one's judging."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Middle-Age Superheroes

ZZZZZZZ Top

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"...until death do you a favor."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

Wedding disaster #27.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Incompatible.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'