Midlife Counselor Pillows

"It happens to men your age. No one's judging."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"...until death do you a favor."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

Incompatible.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'