Midlife Experimenter Gifts

"He's a bit old for the leather jacket and nose ring routine. I mean, he`s nearly six days old!"

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"I'm here for the hair."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

Macho Vegetarian

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

Human Flesh Eaters: A Romance Comedy.

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

How Gary got his groove back.

Psych 101 Frog Lab

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'In denial and loving it!'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'