Midlife Experimenter Gifts

"He's a bit old for the leather jacket and nose ring routine. I mean, he`s nearly six days old!"

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"I'm here for the hair."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Macho Vegetarian

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Altar Ego

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Human Flesh Eaters: A Romance Comedy.

Psych 101 Frog Lab

How Gary got his groove back.

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Parkour for the over-40s.

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'In denial and loving it!'