Mortgage Mentor Gifts

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

Standard & Poor

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Canine Comedians

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'It's the perfect time to move up the evolutionary ladder! The climate is stable, we have no natural predators, and interest rates may never be this low again!'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

'Ready?!'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

Finance Co., Refinance Co.

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

What do you mean, you've done more for me than my mother did? We've carried you for 10 months!

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

Don't be too mad baby... I got a great mortgage deal!

Life plan

Scenes from a successful marriage.

'Is there anything we can do to repay you other than to repay you?'