Mortgage Mentor Pillows

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

Standard & Poor

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Canine Comedians

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'It's the perfect time to move up the evolutionary ladder! The climate is stable, we have no natural predators, and interest rates may never be this low again!'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Ready?!'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

Finance Co., Refinance Co.

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

What do you mean, you've done more for me than my mother did? We've carried you for 10 months!

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

Don't be too mad baby... I got a great mortgage deal!

Life plan

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

Scenes from a successful marriage.

'Is there anything we can do to repay you other than to repay you?'

Bank of England Base Rates.