Marriage Marcher Gifts

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

'It's another special interest call senator - your wife!'