Marriage Marcher Pillows

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

'Everytime I kiss him he says he can't breathe.'

'It's another special interest call senator - your wife!'