Marriage Mavericks Gifts

"Mind you, getting married on line does take some of the romance out of it."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"Arthur, I need my space."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'How long have you two been married?'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

'Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each others' points of view, and we always think for ourselves... isn't that right, honey?'

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

Gender Symbols

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'