Marriage Crisis Gifts

"There's no use denying it, Martin. There's definitely a wedge between us."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Wanna talk about it?

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'We don't text anymore.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

Diplomacy

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'