Marriage Complications Gifts

Private Eye office: 'She went on a second honeymoon,but not with me!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Wanna talk about it?

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'Will I still be married?'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

Diplomacy

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'We don't text anymore.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"