Marriage Complications Prints

Private Eye office: 'She went on a second honeymoon,but not with me!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Diplomacy

'We don't text anymore.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."