Marital Change Gifts

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

'Robert's been very jumpy lately.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

Parson and abandoned husband

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"