Marriage Transition Gifts

Just harried.

The fate of the emigrant

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

Doubt or Certainy

Women

"He just married me on the rebound."

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"Have a nice day harvesting data, honey."

'So push has come to shove...'

PastFuture.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."