Starting Married Life Gifts

"We would like the bed delivered immediately!"

"Every marriage comes with this set of instructions - Which the bride already knows by heart and the groom will likely never read."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"...until death do you a favor."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'