Starting Married Life Gifts

"We would like the bed delivered immediately!"

"Every marriage comes with this set of instructions - Which the bride already knows by heart and the groom will likely never read."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'I always cry at weddings!'

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"What's this for poorer stuff?"