Marriage Life Gifts

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"You're in my laundry's favorite seat."

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

'Would it kill you to throw the dirty clothes in the hamper?'

"Norman's a control freak."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Romance

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

Try Mediation

"...until death do you a favor."

"I heard they mate for life."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'