Getting Married Gifts

"Mind if I put on the game?"

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

License Bureau

-"Why bother to budget?" -"So we can worry BEFORE we spend our money as well as AFTER we spend our money."

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'How worse? Give me the worst-case scenario.'

'...and do you solemnly swear to update your facebook status to 'married'?'

'You could just say it was that time of the month.'

Just Moved In Together.

"It's a fitting name. I walk you through the prenup agreement and counsel you through the divorce."

'What do you mean, you can't cook either?'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

"So,what's so important that you want me to give you a couple of hours off work this afternoon?"

Two Brides - Just Married.

'We are gathered here to join the couple in matrimony. Possible side effects include depression, migraine, chronic fatigue...'

Bridezilla

Marriage tax.

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Bridegroom asks if he can ask the audience.

'I do. Just don't let it go to your head.'

'Do you, Carol, promise to be the voice of reason in this marriage?'

'Do you Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure John takes his cholesterol lowering medication every day?'

Polygamist

'We're looking for a place with no high walls.'

'If it weren't for my husband, we'd be the perfect couple.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

"They're both in telemarketing."

Wedding speech.

'Quick! What's my exit strategy?!'

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

"Do you, Eleanor, agree to be exhausted as one."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'