Manual Decoding Expert Gifts

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

Maternity ward.

'Physical or Social Science?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

'His debugging skills are exceptional.'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

IKEA Book

Manual Labor.

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'What does the Scout manual say about this situation?'

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

DIY motor repairs.

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

"I have no idea what they do, but whatever it is, they're doing less of it."

Mowing manual.

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"That Pink Slime I keep hearing about; is that a hamburger or the dessert?"