Manual Decoding Expert T-Shirts

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Maternity ward.

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Physical or Social Science?'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

Information vs. confusion

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Manual Labor.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

'What does the Scout manual say about this situation?'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

DIY motor repairs.

Mowing manual.

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"I have no idea what they do, but whatever it is, they're doing less of it."

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"Step 1: Find Someone Who Knows How To Read Instructions, Dave."

"That Pink Slime I keep hearing about; is that a hamburger or the dessert?"