Maintenance Personnel Gifts

Suggestion # 23 for hiring a heating repairman: Don't hire one who really enjoys the cold.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"He loves his leaf blower."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Not much money, glory, or praise

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Well, that's fixed that.'

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

Lazy plumber.

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

Clearing the castle's moat.

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.

Time Clock

'No it's still not fixed'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'I think I found the problem.'

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."