Maintenance Professional Gifts

"The problem is that your trap is one big macaroni."

Expensive plumber

"Meow...."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"He loves his leaf blower."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Not much money, glory, or praise

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Well, that's fixed that.'

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

Timber preservation

Lazy plumber.

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

Clearing the castle's moat.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

Time Clock

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

'No it's still not fixed'

'When last did you have your oil changed?'