Lycra Lover Gifts

"You just couldn't shut up could you?"

"I hate this time of year."

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'That's my jogging suit.'

Knight in shining Lycra!

"I know that the industy has a responsibility to challenge climate change. . ."

"I'll be glad when this cycle-to-work craze is over."

Football Chameleon

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

Candle Portraits.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

Senta jumps into the sea

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'It's not meant to be a fold up bike, but the truck driver I held up for seven miles thought otherwise.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Bashful in Nashville

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

"My wish is simple—to give something back to the community."

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

Jerry Lordan

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

Musical genres

'My love is like a red red rose...'

'Benjamin Franklin - the awful truth...'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

'I changed my status from LLC to LL Cool C.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"