Low-calorie Lover Gifts

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Born to be Mild.

The Nihilist Deli.

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Sawdust.

Duplass Brothers

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"I'm in no great hurry to evolve."

'No sweat shop'

Complex Carbohydrates

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

Crusty Bread

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"Actually, I forgot to subtract the disinterest."

'You have the kind of relaxed, can do manner that we look for in an office manager.'

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"On the other hand, my weekends are seven days long."

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house.. but we can do it for 40 LESS CARBS!'

"I'm very slow to anger, but then I'm very slow to do everything."

Low Carb Slop

'It's the call of the mild. Can I offer you a milky Cocoa?'

'Doing?'

"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"

Retirement