Low-calorie Lover T-Shirts

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Born to be Mild.

The Nihilist Deli.

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

Sawdust.

Duplass Brothers

"I'm in no great hurry to evolve."

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'No sweat shop'

Complex Carbohydrates

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Crusty Bread

"Actually, I forgot to subtract the disinterest."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

'You have the kind of relaxed, can do manner that we look for in an office manager.'

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

"On the other hand, my weekends are seven days long."

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

Low Carb Slop

Retirement

"I'm very slow to anger, but then I'm very slow to do everything."

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house.. but we can do it for 40 LESS CARBS!'

'It's the call of the mild. Can I offer you a milky Cocoa?'

"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"

'I'll have potato soup, potato salad, baked potato with fries and for dessert, potato pancakes.'