Low-carb Aficionado Gifts

'Polly wants a cracker!' 'Maybe we should switch to low-carb crackers?!'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I'm retaining doughnuts."

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"One slice—hold the bread."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Complex Carbs

Complex Carbohydrates

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

"In the morning I eat nothing then I wait 4 hours and eat nothing again."

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

Crusty Bread

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

"It's just a reaction to all that artificial flavoring and artificial sweetening. Now if you just take this synthetic medicine..."

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Psst... jelly doughnuts."

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Carb free support group: 'Oh boy! I can have my cake and not eat it, too!'

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

'Take two of these weight loss tablets before every meal. Your stomach won't have room for food.'

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

Bad Carbs

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house.. but we can do it for 40 LESS CARBS!'

"Pasta-nonymous Tuesdays & Thursdays. Unlimited breadsticks at 7."