Low-calorie Eating Gifts

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

Sawdust.

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"One slice—hold the bread."

O'Malley's Pub. Special: Cloned Beef and Cabbage. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"We're making progress."

GMOs

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

'It's farm-to-table-to-farm dining.'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

'First they shoot at us, then they try to fly like us, now they want to steal our lunch.'

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

We get so much produce from our farm share, I can't decide what to cook. Use everything! How about a stew with squash, peppers and corn in a zesty tomato base? Would your kids even put it on their plates? Of course! As long as it didn't touch the mac 'n' cheese.

"Is this house gluten-free?"

"Hybrid-battery cows might reduce our methane gas emissions...but good luck trying to get a decent filet mignon out of them."