Low-carb Eating Gifts

"One slice—hold the bread."

When Clowns Go Low-Carb...

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

O'Malley's Pub. Special: Cloned Beef and Cabbage. Is nothing sacred anymore?

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"We're making progress."

GMOs

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

'It's farm-to-table-to-farm dining.'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

'First they shoot at us, then they try to fly like us, now they want to steal our lunch.'

"Hybrid-battery cows might reduce our methane gas emissions...but good luck trying to get a decent filet mignon out of them."

We get so much produce from our farm share, I can't decide what to cook. Use everything! How about a stew with squash, peppers and corn in a zesty tomato base? Would your kids even put it on their plates? Of course! As long as it didn't touch the mac 'n' cheese.