Low-carb Eating Gifts

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"We're making progress."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

GMOs

'It's farm-to-table-to-farm dining.'

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

Healthy Chocolate Co.

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

'First they shoot at us, then they try to fly like us, now they want to steal our lunch.'

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

"Hybrid-battery cows might reduce our methane gas emissions...but good luck trying to get a decent filet mignon out of them."

"Is this house gluten-free?"