Low-carb Dieter Gifts

'No thanks, I'm on a low carb diet.'

'She might prefer the low-carb alternative...or any alternative.'

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

The discovery of asparagus.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

Macho Vegetarian

"You won’t need refills."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

"One slice—hold the bread."

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"Some doctor that guy is - He's OBSESSED with diet and exercise!"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

Obesity Report

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

“Children hate me.”