Low Calorie Gifts

Sawdust.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Sisyphus Sawyer

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"One slice—hold the bread."

Hot dog.

'I usually discourage high-fat foods, Mr. Hall, but in your case, a Good Humor bar is in order.'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

'Stinkin low carb housing.'

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

Years later, during the low carb craze, she became known simply as 'Mary had a lotta lamb.'

Low Carb Slop

'What you need is some negative growth.'

Advent fridge

'We've given up sugar in tea,coffee and puddings.'

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'

'No thanks, I'm on a low carb diet.'

'She might prefer the low-carb alternative...or any alternative.'

"I haven't burned this many calories since I forgot the brownies in the oven."

Nutritionist - Out to a Low Carb Lunch.

When Clowns Go Low-Carb...

'Polly wants a cracker!' 'Maybe we should switch to low-carb crackers?!'

'New for slimmers, Hundred Island dressing'