Lover Of Anthropomorphic Humor Gifts

"I feel if they don't renationalise the railways I'll never get to express myself."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I'm a monster."

Split the last one?

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

That's It

A Centaur Taking A Shower

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"The true story"

"We grind our own catnip."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You need a hobby."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

"No, this is the elephant."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"Don't even think about it."

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

'Yeah, so our parents used to run together... what of it?'