Lover Of Anthropomorphic Humor Pillows

"I feel if they don't renationalise the railways I'll never get to express myself."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I'm a monster."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

A Centaur Taking A Shower

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"The true story"

"We grind our own catnip."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You need a hobby."

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

"No, this is the elephant."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

"They're not home.."

"Don't even think about it."

The Itchy Back